needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
