U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
