you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
