Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
