All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
