I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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