I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
