My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
