Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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