its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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