He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
