I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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