Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
