He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
