just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
