Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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