I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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