Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
