Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
