Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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