I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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