One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
