Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
