His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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