Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
