got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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