just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
not ubering you a puppy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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