1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
