this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he shaved USA in his pubs
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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