Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
