1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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