Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
