Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
