I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my liver is dry heaving
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
