how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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