I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
