She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
