I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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