I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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