Who wears a wallet chain?!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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