My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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