At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
