i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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