i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
