im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
