Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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