i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The struggles of a small town man whore
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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