I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
