Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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