im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
