I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
